As a lifelong Pittsburgher I've always heard that Florida is the Sunshine State, and I also know that many of us think our city is gloomy in the winter. So late in the fall my husband and I began to think about what a perfect getaway place Florida would be.

Just go there and soak up the sun and the warmth, we figured, and everything would be better. All the colds and the flu, all the creaky knees and the arthritic fingers will go away. Late in the fall we ordered our airline tickets and were happy all through November and December.

On arrival, we zipped through the Fort Myers airport, ignored the rain outside and headed for Naples, which is directly south on Interstate 75, but we got lost among discount malls and big box stores. We found I-75 only by accident, but Old Naples looked just as we'd remembered it -- spirited and fun.

At two o'clock in the morning, however, my husband woke up and said that we had to go to the emergency room. We got to the hospital in a stumbling, half-clothed rush and were told that the problem was minor, but that we needed to stay for tests.

Five long hours later I had become well acquainted with the doctor in charge, an older man with fashionably shaggy white hair, an enchanting accent and a penchant for hugging while declaring, "What will be, will be."

All was well now, but when we left the hospital, it was sunny but extremely cold. At our condo we saw with astonishment the residents calling excitedly to one another and crawling through the greenery around the pool.

Suddenly a great many ducks flapped upward and headed for the street. People were running and waving wildly, trying to prevent cars from hitting the ducks. It seems the ducks were being fed by someone across the street and they had taken up residence in our pool.

The problem with ducks is they're not housebroken and the pool was no longer usable by humans. The runners and chasers came up with a brilliant solution and bought an alligator -- a life-size, blow-up toy -- hoping the ducks wouldn't know the difference. It worked for only one day.

The best solution then seemed to be to try to get the old man across the street to stop feeding the ducks. When approached with our polite-as-could-be request, he seemed to misunderstand our mission and snarled, "Y'all get yer own ducks." Ah well, there are things that have to be accepted -- the weather and ducks.

It was sunny and bright now, but so cold it was hard to believe. Ears stung, noses ran, fingers got numb, and there were no warm hats available anywhere in south Florida.

Weather forecasters were saying it would be getting better. Great! My spirits rose, but then a cap popped off of my tooth and the shower broke. Torrents poured from the shower head and a jet of water also shot out of the wall, hitting the person in the shower at abdomen level -- a strange sort of massage.

The computer stopped working and the computer "wizard" came four times; Comcast came twice. In the end it was a simple matter of misaligned equipment. How embarrassing!

A friend asked if we might have the router too close to the modem in a "surely you wouldn't" kind of voice. Uh, yes, upon checking we had to admit that we did. When any of the technical people left we put all the parts and wires back under the dresser, not paying attention to what was close to what, and it was then that the computer always stopped working.

My husband and I found ourselves thinking more and more about home and wanting to forget being lost leaving the airport, the emergency room, the recalcitrant computer, the struggle to find a reliable plumber, not being able to take a dip in the fouled pool, the dental appointment to replace my crown, and the weather -- the relentless rain, cold and wind.

It was hard to admit it, but being a snowbird isn't always what it's cracked up to be. After a while the thought of snow even begins to seem enchanting.

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